


Patience for the Constant Patient

by PennamePersona



Series: Clinic AU [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Because he thinks he is invincible, Clinic AU, Despite all evidence to the contrary, Humanstuck, John is a dork who gets hurt a lot, M/M, No Game AU, No-game AU, no-sburb au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-17
Updated: 2014-12-17
Packaged: 2018-03-01 20:44:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2787113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PennamePersona/pseuds/PennamePersona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat Vantas has been a nurse for a year. There are always interesting cases, fun stories to toss around during breaks or slow days. But the most noticeable patient to Karkat is John Egbert.</p><p>It isn't (just) because of his breath-taking blue eyes. It isn't (just) because he always smiles when he sees that Karkat is on duty. And it certainly is not because Karkat thinks that he might be more into John than he necessarily should be? (Kanaya says he is on the road to falling in love. Karkat tries - and fails - to deny this.)</p><p>Honestly, the reason that John Egbert really stands out to Karkat is (and this is really the truth, all cover-ups aside) because he just keeps getting injured. All the time. He's already been in the clinic twice in the past three weeks. </p><p>Oh, wait, no. Here he is again. With another perfectly avoidable injury.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Patience for the Constant Patient

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by an AU prompt by sleighbelladonna on tumblr. (Link to the list is: http://sleighbelladonna.tumblr.com/post/105052506613/xaquaangelx-list-of-aus-that-arent-themed-at)  
> Just a quick little thing, but I could do another little thing in this verse, I think. Little one-shots like this aren't too bad to write. I kind of enjoy them.

"Are you seriously back _again_?" You ask, not bothering to contain your disbelief. "This is the third time just this fucking month!"

"Hi Karkat!" He says, smiling at you like landing yourself in a doctor's office three times in as many weeks is something that could happen to anyone. In the past year of being a nurse here, however, you have never seen anyone so easily injured as John Egbert.

"What the fuck did you do this time?" You ask. 

"I was opening a can of soup, and I cut myself on the lid when I was prying it off." John holds up his hand, which has a tissue pressed to it. The tissue is red with more blood than you would think cutting yourself on a soup can lid would warrant, but at this point, you wouldn't be surprised if it required stitches.

You sigh. "It'll only be a few minutes. We're having a slow day."

"Wow, no comments on how amazingly stupid I am? This just feels wrong." John says, leaning against the counter instead of sitting down.

"I didn't think I really had to emphasize how completely idiotic you have to fucking be to cut yourself on a goddamn can, but if you want me to, I will." You say, but there isn't half as much venom in your words as there was the first time he came in here. 

"Haha, that's more like it!" The moron actually grins at you, as though being called idiotic is the highest compliment he can ever hope to receive from you. Of course, considering how the two of you are, it just might be.

Kanaya pokes her head around the wall dividing the reception area from the rest of the clinic. "We're ready for whoever is next."

She catches sight of John leaning against the counter and offers him a small smile.

"Hello John. What brings you here this time?" She asks, pleasant as can be.

He holds up his hand. "Incident with a soup can."

Kanaya blinks and gives her head a small shake. 

"I see. Well, if you'll follow me, we'll get you patched up." She says evenly, not pointing out how absolutely ridiculous it sounds to be bleeding because of a soup can. It might be because she's much more diplomatic than you. Or it might be that you're right and it _is_ really fucking obvious. It's probably a little bit of both.

After John and Kanaya are gone, you go back to your computer screen, meaning to continue doing your actual job. Predictably, however, you are distracted by thoughts of the idiot that has become the most common visitor to the clinic, something that you really wish wouldn't happen.

The first time you'd met John Egbert had been about seven months ago. He'd broken his arm trying to get a Frisbee off the roof of his father's house, and you had marveled aloud about how truly amazing it was that the universe had aligned in such a way as to allow you to have the absolutely fucking pleasure of meeting the guy who had to be the stupidest human being to ever exist, at least judging by his absolutely astounding lack of even the most microscopic shred of common sense.

He had laughed and shown up a month later with a twisted ankle he'd gotten from falling out of a tree in an attempt to set up a piñata for a celebration in honor of his best friend's graduation from college. Said best friend had been with him, supporting him with an arm around his shoulders, and he'd looked like a complete douche to you at first. Until he'd agreed when you'd called John "a vassal of such great idiocy that the stars must have been prophesizing it, but it was skipped over by the oracles of old because not even they thought someone could be so massively stupid." After that, you'd sort of bonded with Dave over how much of an idiot John was, and then just . . . become sort-of-friends.

It was strange, but so was anything that involved John. Besides, your sort-of-friendship with Dave couldn't be weirder than your what-no-of-course-not-that's-ridiculous-infatuation with John. You were twenty-five, a nurse with a respectable income, a life that was actually managing to shape up into something relatively decent, and you were way too mature to be infatuated with someone who you barely knew beyond his truly astounding penchant for being injured in really, really dumb ways.

Well, you did know some things about him. 

You knew that he came from a family of pranksters, that he liked shitty movies (though he said the same about you, as did everyone else you knew), he enjoyed trying out magic tricks (and wow had that been an interesting injury; not only were his eyebrows burned off, but he had a gash on his forehead that had an impressive amount of blood, even for a head wound. You had stood there speechless for a good minute, and probably would have remained like that for longer if he hadn't interrupted you with "Alright, but really, Karkat, I'm feeling kind of woozy here, can you please get me in to see someone," and you had jumped up and supported him in the same way Dave had been several weeks earlier, into exam room 3, cleaning the wound yourself because who even knew what he might have gotten into it), he enjoyed reading ghost stories (both the really terrible ones and the decent ones that had a disconcerting grain of truth to them - he'd actually brought some along one day, two months ago, because his finger was broken but "it doesn't hurt that bad" and "I drove past earlier and there were a bunch of cars, so I figured it was a busy day and that you wouldn't want me bugging you" and you had thought about that for a long time that night, staring up at the ceiling), and also, that no matter how many people you knew with weird eye colors (and boy did you know a lot of people with strange appearances just in general), his were so blue that every single damn time you saw him, it took you at least thirty seconds to remember exactly how breathing went.

It was things like this train of thought that had Kanaya so convinced that you had it bad for John Egbert. It was hard to argue with her, not because you weren't able, but more because that part of you that knew she was right grew larger each and every time he came to the clinic.

Which was, either fortunately or unfortunately, a lot.

"You have been staring at that screen for the past ten minutes, Karkat. Are you planning on doing anything with the contents of it?" You jump in your seat, flushing red. Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, _dammit_. You have been caught by Kanaya once again, and you know that she knows that you were thinking about John. Fucking fuck in the fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." You say, avoiding her gaze (for all the good that will do you). "I have been very seriously contemplating this information in an extremely professional manner, and I resent your implications to the contrary."

"John asked about you." She says, then turns her back to you and straightens out some of the folders in the slots behind you. "Of course, if you are really that concentrated on your work, I won't bother you with what he said."

You grit your teeth. This is why it's difficult having Kanaya as a friend. She's good for you, she makes you admit to things and own up to yourself, but it's hard, dammit, and what if you don't want to own up to your feelings? Fuck her for being so caring and helpful. And fuck you for complaining about it.

"I suppose I could stand to listen." You say after a minute, turning around in your chair to see her looking at you with a fond smile. 

"Well, he asked how you were, if you had been well in the week since he last saw you, he then realized that he was being not only transparent but also rather rude and asked how I was, and then, with a blush that could only be rivaled by your own, he asked if you were available." She says it all as casually as can be, as though this isn't a major revelation that isn't going to send you spinning into panic mode.

You are caught up on "transparent" for all of twenty seconds before you realize what that last thing on the list was. You are quiet for a while. You're really not sure how long it is, but since Kanaya doesn't prod you, you suppose it couldn't be more than a few minutes. It feels like an eternity, though, as you process what she said.

Available. He asked if you were . . .

That. That is. It. He. And you. But. If he. And. That time with the cars. And the parking. If. If he and the. But. You. Him. He. Wants. If you. Available.

_Oh sweet fucking creatures known and unknown populating the massive expanse of the universe John Egbert wants to know if you are available._

"What did you -" You squeak, then clear your throat. No need to make this more embarrassing than it already is. "What did you tell him?"

"I told him to ask you." She says, and something in your mind breaks. "He should be out in a few minutes. His soup can injury did not require stitches."

John is going to be out in a few minutes. John, who was told, by Kanaya, to ask you if you were available, is going to come out of the exam room and come by your desk and you are going to know that he wants to know if you are available. John is going to walk past your desk and talk to you, and the conversation topic will almost certainly sway into the topic of your potential availability. In probably a romantic sense. 

How are you supposed to _work_ under these conditions?!

You are breathing heavily. Kanaya has come over and put her arm around you. She's rubbing circles on your back, and it's soothing. You feel yourself calming down a bit, and you begin to think that maybe you can handle this. This will be alright, you're sure. John is expressing interest in you. That's a good thing! It'll be fine. You can totally do this.

You hear the door of the exam room open.

You can't do this you can't do this you can't do this oh no no no you most certainly cannot do this there is no way you can do this nope better just leave now oh  _shit_  

"Hey there, Karkat!" John smiles and waves at you with his bandaged hand. "I didn't need stitches, but Kanaya said it was close!"

"You are way too cheerful to be allowed to utter that statement." You say, surprising yourself at how calm your voice is. You heart is pounding, but at least you don't sound panicked. Which you are. You so, so are. 

"Ha, yeah, I know." He says, grinning at you. He hasn't gone through the door to the waiting room, yet. He's right there, just a few feet away, and there are no barriers between the two of you. There is only Kanaya, who slipped her hand from your back when John appeared and is slipping away discreetly as you stare at John. You rarely get to see all of him for any extended period of time. It's not a bad view, not at all, but you can't look as much as you'd like. 

"So, uhm, Karkat," John says, and your eyes are on his face, on the slight flush spreading across it. Oh shit oh fuck oh shit oh fuck oh shit he's going to say it he's going to say it he's going to say it. "I was wondering, if, maybe, when you were done with your shift, we could go get coffee or something? Like, together? On a . . . on a date? If you wanted? If you're available, I mean, if you aren't, then forget it, and that's completely fine, I could totally see why you wouldn't be, obviously, but if you are - "

You stop him because if he keeps rambling like that, you aren't sure what you'll do, but it'll probably be horrible embarrassing and not something you want to do in public, even if the only person around is Kanaya.

"Get to the other side of the desk before I do something I'll eventually regret." You say, nodding to the door. He looks a bit confused, but complies. Once he's on the other side, you tap your fingers briefly, take a deep breath, and look him directly in those _gorgeous_ blue eyes.

"I get off in half an hour. Coffee is only a morning thing, for when I cannot actually function without a jolt of caffeine so strong it could kill a lion, but there's a good pizza place around the corner." You say, and you watch as his face slowly spreads into a smile that only gets wider the longer you go on. 

"Sounds good." He says, grinning so widely that you can see every one of his teeth. You can't help but smile back.

Yeah, you think. It really does.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so not the best end. Sorry about that. But hey, thanks for reading. I hope you liked it.
> 
> [Buy me a coffee!](https://ko-fi.com/A375K8Q)


End file.
